Saying Goodbye without Saying Hello is my journey through my pregnancy in 2012-2013 with my second daughter, Dakota Emily. Everything went well throughout the pregnancy and when I went into labor, I found out she had passed. The autopsy revealed no reason for her death despite all the concerns that I had during the pregnancy. This book captures my entire journey and each feeling I had during the pregnancy, her passing, and after.
All Book Information supplied by Sparkle Book Tours
Title: Saying Goodbye Without Saying Hello
Author: RaeBeth McGee-Buda
Genre: Non-Fiction
Audience: Adult
Formats: mobi & epub
Publisher: Self-Published; Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
Cover By: Marcy Rachel Designs
Editor: Lee Ryder
Pages: 230
ISBN-10: 1492110884
ASIN: B00FWTKRTI
Date Published: October 15, 2013
This is the story of one mother and how a few words changed her life forever. How a piece of her faded when she heard these words: “There’s no heartbeat.” When RaeBeth Buda laid in the hospital in labor, she and her husband heard those dreaded words.
What happens when all of those dreams are shattered in a moment’s notice? How does one cope with the loss of their child? This is the story of their journey and of the devastating grief of the loss of her daughter, Dakota Emily Buda.
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Come and join Dakota’s Birthday Celebration with us.
“Hello, what brings you in?” The woman asked as she came in.
“I think we’re about to have a baby.” I answered her with a smile.
Why else would we be there? It’s not everyday people like to hang out in the OB part of the hospital for no reason at all.
“Okay, you’ll need to strip from your waste down. I’ll need a sample of your urine here in this cup and put the rest in the plastic bin. I’ll be back in a few minutes to hook you up.” She instructed as she pointed to the small toilet in the room.
It was a good thing I had to go. I looked over at my mom and Greg as I said, “Hope I can do this without peeing all over the place.” Of course, I tried to make both laugh and succeeded. As I pulled down my panties, I noticed a small amount of blood. My mom and Greg noticed too.
“The bloody show. You’re definitely not going anywhere any time soon.” My mom said with a smile. “We’re gonna have a baby!” She chanted excitedly.
The only thing I could come back with was, “Or she’s in distress.”
“Don’t think like that. All will be fine. Have some faith.” My mom said to calm me down and comfort me.
Once I was ready to get on to the bed, I slowly made my way with Greg’s help. I laid back and the contractions were much stronger. Around one in the morning, the nurse finally came back in, shut the door, and walk to the left side of the bed. She grabbed a strap and placed it on my belly. “This will monitor the contractions, which I see you’re definitely having.”
Once the strap was in place, she fiddled with the machine for a few minutes and said, “Let’s find that heartbeat.”
She grabbed the gel, put a good bit on my belly, and grabbed the Doppler. Once she spread out the gel, she started searching for Dakota’s heartbeat. I couldn’t wait to hear it. It was only a matter of seconds before I’d hear it.
She kept moving around on my belly. I pointed to right side of my belly button and said, “This is usually where my doctor found her heartbeat without a problem.” She moved the device there. We still didn’t hear anything.
After another squirt of gel on my belly, she searched again. My heart raced and panic overtook me. Something was wrong. I could feel it. I glanced at my mom and Greg. They were worried too. I saw Greg swallow hard and turned my attention back to the nurse.
“Sometimes it takes time to find the heartbeat. The baby could be lying with her back towards yours, which makes it hard for the machine to pick it up. I’m going to get an ultrasound machine. That will definitely pick it up.” The nurse said, as she placed the Doppler back and walked out of the room.
My mom saw worry and panic cross my face. She stood up from her chair and walked over to me. “Let’s pray” she said. My mom, Greg, and I said a quick prayer while we waited on the nurse. Within a few minutes, the door opened and the nurse pushed in an ultrasound machine. She plugged it in and turned it on.
As she stood to the right of me, Greg and my mom were on my left. My mom held my leg and Greg took a hold of my hand. I eagerly wanted the nurse to put a fire under her ass and hurry up. It seemed like everyone and everything started moving in slow motion. The nurse began looking at Dakota through the ultrasound.
At first, I couldn’t tell what was on the screen. What I noticed was that she was not trying to hear her heart but to see it. That was when it came into view. My daughter’s heart was not beating. I rubbed my eyes, thinking they were playing a trick on me. The nurse stood up and walked out of the room without saying a word.
Moments later, three other medical personnel walked into the room. They whispered in their small circle where we couldn’t hear and continued looking at the screen. The room was quiet. I heard the ultrasound machine running and could have heard a pin drop. I knew my baby was gone by the look on their faces, but no one said anything.
“Ummm, hello? Someone tell me what’s going on?” I yelled. I was tired of it. I knew what this meant, but I wanted them to say it. It was not final until someone had said it.
The doctor closest to me said, “I’m sorry. She’s gone.”
1 x Signed Copy of Saying Goodbye Without Saying Hello (US Only)
1 x Signed Postcard
1 x Magnet
1 x $5 Amazon GC
Including Interview
Best Selling Author, RaeBeth McGee-Buda is resides in a tiny valley at the ridges of the Application Mountains in Fairchance, Pennsylvania, with her husband and daughter, her dog, Cody, and her newest family addition, Romeow her pure white cat.
She’s been writing in some form her entire life, but loving young sister, Audra McGee noticed her talent, and gave her the reassurance she needed to start her writing career. After many months of deliberation, RaeBeth decided to trust her sister’s word and expand her short story into what we all know and love as The Silenced Series.
RaeBeth is a mother to an angel in Heaven...Miss Dakota, whom she honored in Saying Goodbye Without Saying Hello. Her goals for her books are to inspire and give hope. She is a Christian author, who firmly believes in God and incorporates her faith into some of her work.
What is your name, where were you born
and where do you live now?
-My
name is Raebeth. I was born in Pennsylvania and that is where I reside.
Did it take a long time to get your
first book published?
Yes
it did. It took me about five years to completely write it, about a year to
edit, and then a few months for formatting/publishing.
Which of your books were easier/harder
to write than the others?
All
of my books were hard for me to write. Each one has a piece of me in them.
Saying Goodbye Without Saying Hello was the most hard because it is very
emotional. It’s 100% real. I poured out the pain within my words and I pray
when readers take it in their hands they can feel this emotion.
Do you have plans for a new book? Is
this book part of a series?
I
am working on a book, which I believe could be part of a series one day. It’s
based on witches, wizards, and demons in a small town located in Pennsylvania.
What genre would you place your books
into?
My
first two books fall under YA/Suspense. My third is non-fiction.
Do you have a favourite out of the books
you have written? If so why is it your favourite?
My
book, Saying Goodbye without Saying Hello is my favorite one. With being the
mother of a child whose voice had never been heard, I feel I am her voice. I
will strive to make her known, as well as what had happened to her. Pregnancy
and Infant Loss (PAIL) is a subject most people don’t think of or acknowledge.
It is my mission with Dakota’s story to bring more awareness to PAIL. I wish
someone out there would have educated me on the “bad” things that could have
happened within my pregnancy BEFORE it happened.
Do you have anybody read your books and
give you reviews before you officially release them? ie. Your partner,
children, friends, and reviewers you know.
I
have my husband and family read each book I write to get their opinions on
them. I also do several rounds of beta reading within the editing process.
Do you gift books to readers to do
reviews?
Yes,
I do. However, I have a strict guideline in which I follow. I don’t give to
just anyone. If their a reliable source for reviews, then they usually end up
with my books being gifted. If I do not know the reader, it takes me some time
to decide.
Do you read all the reviews of your
book/books?
I
try not to but it is hard, especially when it comes to my daughter’s story.
When I first became an author, I would look up reviews on different sites.
However, if a reader really wanted to share their review with me, they would
email it in or send it via Facebook. I think reading them is okay, but it
should not be done all the time.
Would you ever ask a reviewer to change
their review if it was not all positive about your book/books?
Absolutely,
NOT! I want honest reviews. I completely understand that my books aren’t going
to be loved by everyone. That’s okay with me. I want to see how people really
react to the words I placed in those books.
How do you come up with the Title and
Cover Designs for your book/books? Who designed the Cover of your books?
I
brainstorm the titles as I am writing the books. I think about the main subject
matter within the book and try to incorporate that on the book covers. I
designed the eBook cover of Silenced. The paperback cover was designed by Madd
Hatter Designs. I designed the cover of The Overtaking. Then, Marcy Rachel
Designs created the cover for Saying Goodbye Without Saying Hello.
Do you choose a title first, or write
the book then choose the title?
Most
of the time, the title comes to me as I am writing the book.
How do you market/promote your books?
I
market my books through Facebook , Twitter, and various places around my home
town. Although, I’m hoping within the next year to branch out and reach more
readers through promotion off the computer and in the “real” world.
Have you ever suffered from a
"writer's block"? What did you do to get past the "block"?
I’ve
actually been suffering from writer’s block lately. At this time, I write when I
can when it comes to my books. If I can’t find the words for my books, I write
either in my journal or on my blog. Either way, I find something to write so I
can exercise my creativity in one way or another.
What do you do to unwind and relax? Do
you have a hobby?
Yes,
I do. I love to scrapbook and do crafts. I make scrapbooks for my daughters and
son. Then, all my book items (swag) is mainly handmade.
Have you ever based characters on people
you know or based events on things that have happened to you?
So
far, that’s mainly how I write. In each book I have out, there’s some piece
which reflects my own life. I’m in the process of writing another book called,
The Guardian Angel, which reflects part of my life as well.
Are there any hidden messages or morals
contained in your books? (Morals as in like Aesops Fables type of "The
moral of this story is..")
The
messages within my books really aren’t hidden. However, they do contain small
messages to the readers. I’ll have to let the readers decide in their own way
what they feel the morals are.
Do you think ebooks will ever totally
replace printed books?
Eventually,
I believe printed books will be outdated. I believe they will end up being a
collector’s item. The world we live in depends on technology. Therefore, eBooks
will and already have reign over paperbacks.
Do you think children at schools these
days are encouraged enough to read? and/or do Imaginative writing?
I
don’t believe they’re being encouraged to read or do the imaginative writing
for the right reasons. I think the education system is slowly going from
actually teaching children to which school can score the highest on tests. I
wish they’d encourage reading for the creativity and imaginative parts.
Did you read a lot at school and write
lots of stories or is being a writer something newer in your life?
I
have always been a bookworm and I’ve written some short stories. However, the
biggest type of writing I did as I grew up was poetry.
Did you have a favourite author as a
child?
Edgar
Allen Poe (He’s still my most favorite famous author.)
What do you think about book trailers?
I
actually really like them. Visual aids help the books become more realistic. I
have one for each of my books on YouTube.
Do you or would you ever use a pen name?
I
don’t write under a pen name and I’m not sure if I ever will. I love seeing my
birth/married name on the cover of the books I worked so hard to write. It’s
another thing that I feel is a reward.
Where can readers follow you?
Your Blog Details?
“Mommy” Blog- (this is where I write
about my loss and my rainbow baby, as well as my Sunshine) : http://raebethsblog.blogspot.com/
Author Blog- http://raebethbuda.blogspot.com/
Your Website? http://raebethmcgee.weebly.com/index.html
Your Facebook Page? https://www.facebook.com/raebethbuda
Your Goodreads Author Page? https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5095502.RaeBeth_McGee_Buda
Your Twitter Details? https://twitter.com/raebethmcgee
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Pinterest | Goodreads | Amazon | Authordb
MY REVIEW
Pinterest | Goodreads | Amazon | Authordb
MY REVIEW
Title: Saying Goodbye Without Saying Hello
Author: Raebeth McGee-Buda
Release Date: 15th October 2013
BLURB from Goodreads
The journey of pregnancy brings hope, joy, and love for the expecting mother. The hope of giving birth to a new life. The joy of feeling this new life grow inside of her. The love that starts with a test that doesn’t ever end. Dreams for the unborn child flood the new mother’s mind, as well as those around her. Each step of the pregnancy is a cherished moment. The anticipation of meeting her cherished baby builds from the very first month and ends after birth.
This is the story of one mother and how a few words changed her life forever. How a piece of her faded when she heard these words: “There’s no heartbeat.” When RaeBeth Buda laid in the hospital in labor, she and her husband heard those dreaded words.
What happens when all of those dreams are shattered in a moment’s notice? How does one cope with the loss of their child? This is the story of their journey and of the devastating grief of the loss of her daughter, Dakota Emily Buda.
This is the story of one mother and how a few words changed her life forever. How a piece of her faded when she heard these words: “There’s no heartbeat.” When RaeBeth Buda laid in the hospital in labor, she and her husband heard those dreaded words.
What happens when all of those dreams are shattered in a moment’s notice? How does one cope with the loss of their child? This is the story of their journey and of the devastating grief of the loss of her daughter, Dakota Emily Buda.
INITIAL THOUGHTS
Approaching this book I totally admit to wondering if I will read it all, or what it will be like reading it but I Really want to read this one both for the blog tour and myself. This is a subject very close to my heart.
MY REVIEW
I was given a free e-copy of this book from the author via Sparkle Book Tours in exchange for my honest review of it. I have seen two different covers for this book, the one I featured I feel after reading the book is the one the author would want to show most. The cover shows a depiction of "heaven" up in the fluffy white clouds and has had an image of Dakota laced on one of the clouds as an angel. I think this is a comforting image to think of if you have lost a child. The other cover features a pregnant so perhaps more suitable to those who may find themselves disturbed or offended by the cover image above perhaps not wishing to know how similar a still born child can and does look like a healthy one.
The is quite simply put a true real life account of something that happened to the author Raebeth, and her family. It acquaint us with how Raebeth and her husband Greg met, then the birth of their first daughter Emma. Then it explains Raebeth's second pregnancy, the joy at feeling the baby movements that she was feeling for a second time. There's the doctors concerns about the weight of the baby, followed with his affirmation that the baby is fine and doing well. I'm trying to be reserved in the details as I think you really need to discover them via the book. To summarise when Raebeth goes into labour, there's a problem when the nurses start to try and monitor the baby, they cannot find a heartbeat. The medics tell Raebeth and her husband the devastating news that their beloved little baby has in fact dies within Raebeth's womb. Then to make matters seem even more horrific Raebeth has to go through a natural labour, in the same way every pregnant does. She has to deliver her baby as if she were alive. Raebeth recounts all this to the reader within the book. Raebeth is so detailed and eloquent in the way she includes the reader in her innermost thoughts and emotions. Raebeth also explains the feelings and what her family did and said when learning the news. Raebeth gives details of what the hospital do for her and her baby girl Dakota. They have some one take photographs and take hand and feet casts as keepsakes for Raebeth and her family. We also learn other peoples views on what and how they think Raebeth, Greg, Emma and the family should be. How they should mourn, grieve and even how they should or should not speak of Dakota. Somewhat petty jealousies come to the fore when they are the last thing that Raebeth and her family need. The book enlightened me to have differently hospitals can handle such a situation. One thing that irked me a little whilst reading the book was a comment by Raebeth being annoyed about someone likening her loss to that of a miscarriage. I'd just like to say on one hand I totally understand , she held her child, early miscarriages cannot do that as the child is not fully formed etc. However some miscarriages are quite similar to the experience Raebeth went through. I do know this from personal experience. I "miscarried" at 22.5 weeks through my pregnancy, and had to give birth in a pretty much the same way as Raebeth. Had I waited to "give birth" another few weeks the event would have been recorded on my medical record and legally classed as a "still birth". I too held my baby son, though the hospital I was in did not provide any photographs or memento's at all. I think my reaction to her Miscarriage vs Stillbirth comment irked me so much as I feel the medics need to update their terminolgy perhaps to reflect the loss a parent feels. I did initially feel Raebeth was in some way be-littling miscarriage but upon reading further and having the experience of talking to her online I believe this not to be the actual true case. The way the book is written is both admirable and exceptional. It is a brave thing that Raebeth has done sharing her innermost thoughts and feelings with the reader. I felt like she was actually having a conversation with me rather than my reading her book. It is so well written, it's as if you are hearing her voice putting everything in to plain words we all know not a load of medical jargon that could just go over our heads. I am both pleased and honoured that Raebeth chose to write this book and I was given it to read it. My review feels quite inadequate in it's description of this book and what it contains.
My normal sum up does not suffice for this book as how can I say I "enjoyed" a book about a stillbirth? Enjoyed is not the right wording, though I do feel hopeful in the way Raebeth was treat at the hospital she delivered Dakota in. Though I do share her hate of the ward/room "it" all happened in. All I can think of as a sum up is that Raebeth shares her story beautifully, and I think it could be found helpful to other women who have similar experiences, to know they are not alone, that life goes on and that it's okay to smile and laugh again when you are ready to.
Tour Schedule - One Week Blog Tour for Saying Goodbye… Without Saying Hello by RaeBeth McGee-Buda from May 26 to June 1, 2014.
May 26
Blushing Divas Book Reviews - Spotlight with Excerpt
Bound 2 Escape - Spotlight with Excerpt
Karen Swart - Spotlight with Excerpt, Dakota's Birthday Party, Dakota's Playlist & Dakota's Poem
Movies, Shows & Books - Spotlight with Excerpt & Dakota's Playlist
May 27
Crazy Beautiful Reviews - Review, Dakota's Playlist & Dakota's Poem
Idle Musings of a Writer's Mind - Spotlight with Excerpt, Review & Author Interview
A Book Addict's Delight - Spotlight with Excerpt
May 28
Book Hostage - Spotlight with Excerpt
JeanzBookReadNReview - Spotlight with Excerpt, Review (TBA) , Author Interview, Dakota's Birthday Party, Dakota's Playlist & Dakota's Poem
May 29
Kim's Book Blog - Spotlight with Excerpt, Review & Dakota's Birthday Party
For The Love of Books - Spotlight with Excerpt, Review, Dakota's Birthday Party, Dakota's Playlist & Dakota's Poem
May 30
Cajun Book Lover - Spotlight with Excerpt, Dakota's Playlist & Dakota's Poem
As You Wish Reviews - Spotlight with Excerpt, Dakota's Birthday Party, Dakota's Playlist & Dakota's Poem
Darkest Cravings - Spotlight with Excerpt, Dakota's Birthday Party, Dakota's Playlist & Dakota's Poem
May 31
Bottles & Books Reviews - Review, Dakota's Birthday Party, Dakota's Playlist & Dakota's Poem
Fallen Over Book Reviews - Dakota's Birthday Party, Dakota's Playlist & Dakota's Poem
Eclipse Reviews - Spotlight with Excerpt, Dakota's Birthday Party, Dakota's Playlist & Dakota's Poem
June 1
Book Nook Nuts - Spotlight with Excerpt & Review
Our New Generation for Reading - Spotlight with Excerpt
Kitty Muse and Me - Spotlight with Excerpt, Dakota's Birthday Party, Dakota's Playlist & Dakota's Poem
Debbie Jeans - Review
First I'd like to start by saying thank you for being part of the tour and celebrating my daughter's first birthday with me. I really appreciate it. As for the book cover, there's only one which is the one you have displayed. I'm not sure which cover you're referring to here but I too feel the cover was done exceptionally well by Marcy-Rachel's Designs. I love to think that this is how Dakota's hanging out. In the beauty of the clouds with Jesus and family who are waiting for me to join them. I surely hope the cover we chose doesn't offend anyone due to the fact that Dakota isn't any different then any other baby who's born.
ReplyDeleteI would like to thank you for the lovely review and for taking the time to read Dakota's story. I would also like to say that I am in no way belittling miscarriages at all. I would never do that. A loss is a loss regardless of what gestation it occurs. It's heartbreaking and I feel no parent should ever have to endure this pain.
In closing I'd like to thank you once again and wish you a very good day. <3
Your words hit the heart and open the mind. You are a very powerful and strong woman with a huge heart and a lot of strength. You are an amazing strong woman, and a loving friend and a role model to many not to mention a very caring mother and wife to Greg, so proud to know you and call you my friend.
ReplyDeleteGreat interview questions and lovely review. Thank you for hosting Raebeth!!
ReplyDelete