Excerpt:
I
didn’t think; I moved following the ghost of song, a melody that played out the
ache inside of my chest. I ran down the stairs and through the hall and stopped
at the door across from the room filled with jars. When I stepped through the
door, I could make out the contours of a piano in the corner. It was beautiful—
the black reflecting the light from the moon shining through the window, the
white keys punctuated with sharps and flats. I was still for a moment feeling
the cold that had wrapped around my heart for so long. Devlin had taken away
music.
I
stepped forward and knocked the bench over with my knees. The rattle as it hit
the floor startled me and I reached for a leg to pick it up. Instead the leg
came off in my hand, like pulling the leg off of a spider, I thought as I
gripped the carved leg in my hand. Devlin had taken away dancing. My hand
seemed to rise on its own volition, the leg above my head. I closed my eyes and
for a second felt a flicker of the stillness and control I’d caught the first
day of knitting, but the thought of Devlin taking away the beauty of music
shattered the calm.
There
was a crack as I brought the bench leg down on the keyboard. Devlin had taken
away color. There was an anguished screech, a sharp crack as the keyboard
buckled in the middle. Devlin had taken away my mother, crash, my father,
smash, and myself. I kept hitting the piano, the splintered wood flying all
around me. I felt the sting as slivers found my skin, my cheek, arm, but I kept
smashing, until the leg I’d used was a splintered mess. I grabbed what I could
of the former beauty and shoved it with all my strength. The crunch and
tinkling as it struck the wall wasn’t enough.
I stood panting needing
something else to destroy, grabbing fistfuls of my hair, wanting something to
hurt, but I already hurt. The pain inside of me was more than any pain I could
ever inflict on anyone or anything. I crumpled to the floor feeling like I’d
been beaten up. In the end Devlin hadn’t just taken apart my life, he’d taken
himself too. He’d taken the brother I loved and turned him into a monster.
Thinking of Devlin as a monster was more than I could bear. I buried my head in
my arms and cried until I thought my body was going to shake apart.
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