Sunday, 4 October 2015


Title: Torn: The Story Of An Undeserving Wallaby Drowning In a Septic Tank
Author: Simon Williams
Release Date: 27th March 2015

BLURB from Goodreads
The funniest, most heartfelt book ever written, one that every one will love to read. At some time in my life I was young, carefree and reckless with my whole life ahead of me. Then one day I woke up and realized that everything had changed. All the things that I loved dearly about my life have been torn from me and I was challenged with putting the pieces back together one laugh at a time.



What is your name, where were you born and where do you live now?
Simon Williams, I was born in Townsville Australia and I now live in Miami, Florida.

Did you always want to be a writer? If not what did you want to be?
Depends on how far you want me to look back? I went to boarding school from age 9 and was required to write a letter home to my parents every week. In 8 years of boarding school I only wrote a total of 3 letters so I didn’t really want to be a writer as a younger version of me. My first trip away from Australia by myself at age 20 I had my first thought that one day I might like to write stories of my experiences while travelling. I do know that all my life I wanted to be a Father. And it was my frustration at having the opportunity to be what I wanted to be taken away from me that made me go, hell I may as write something now. Thank god I didn’t burn myself out writing letters while at boarding school.

When did you first consider yourself as a "writer"?
Well it wasn’t the day that I hit the publish key on Amazon. Not the day I received an email from one of my mates stating, “Congrats, I heard you wrote a book?” Not the day I held the actual book in my hand for the first time. It was actually the day I went to pick up my mail from the doorman and, despite the fact that I had received notification that my self published book order had been delivered to the building, the doormen had somehow lost it. I got back in the elevator and thought, “What the hell. I am a friggin writer, I shouldn’t have to put up with this crap.”

What makes someone a writer? 
For 5 years I have not been able to read my son a book when he goes to bed. I have not been able to help him brush his teeth or tie his shoes. I have never been able to run beside him while he learns to ride a bike. So despite not doing any of those things… does that make me not a father? That is a rhetorical question for you to ponder on, I am not expecting an answer.

Did it take a long time to get your first book published?
I self published after an even 50 rejection letters from agents. I needed to know that I could at least be rejected as many times as the great writers before I felt confident enough that I should self publish.

Do you work another job as well as your writing work?
Physical Therapist.

What is the name of your latest book, and if you had to summarise it in less than 20 words what would you say?
Torn: The Story of an Undeserving Wallaby Drowning in a Septic Tank. A sarcastically funny book written to help one man deal with his living hell.

Who is your publisher? or do you self publish?
Self published. And very proud of it. I can blame no one else for my success or my failure.

Do you have a "lucky charm" or "lucky routine" you follow when waiting for your book to be accepted by a publisher?
No lucky routine to be accepted, I hoped they would reject it. Life is too short to sit around and wait 6-8 weeks to be told by people I have never met that their taste is different than my taste. When I write my lucky routine is to wait to the top of the hour before I write. Kinda weird I know, but I like to be very punctual.

How long does it usually take you to write a book, from the original idea to finishing writing it?
Depends on if I have a girlfriend or not at the time. They take a lot of attention. The first book took three breakups, two with the same girl.

What can we expect from you in the future?  ie More books of the same genre? Books of a different genre?
I have plans to continue to write the story I started about my struggles to get my son back into my life until it happens. I will be miserable until that happens and writing is what gave me an outlet to find some humor in my life and some peace after 5 years of pain.

Do you have plans for a new book? Is this book part of a series?
Refer back to the question above. I have plans for 2 more books in this series about my son and my life of moving to the USA. If I breakup with my current girlfriend I will get back on track with writing them.

What genre would you place your books into?
I have no idea. I would love it if someone told me. It is like a memoir but then it is also not. Maybe Humor is the simplest best fit.

My current girlfriend just stated it is Tragi-comedy. Tragedy and Comedy married together. Useful to have a girlfriend who is more knowledgeable on these matters than I am. She is European.

What made you decide to write that genre of book?
Seeing as I don’t really know what type of genre it is I have no idea why I decided to write it that way. It was just how it came out. If you consider it to be strictly humor then clearly when everything you hold dear in your life is taken from you, you don’t have a choice. You had better start laughing or there will be nothing left of you before too long. Life is hard like that.

How long have you been writing?, and who or what inspired you to write?
I have been writing for years, I just didn’t know it. I have written amusing emails to my mates back home in Australia since the invention of the Internet as a way of dealing with my loneliness, frustration and sadness through my sense of humor. No one in America understands a word I say because of my accent and the fact I speak a million miles an hour and am oblivious to the fact that others can’t keep up. The European girlfriend doesn’t understand me either.

Where do you get your book plot ideas from?What/Who is your inspiration?
My ex wife inspired me to write this book by taking off with my son to South America and the joke of an international legal system that exists to help reunite parents who have had their children abducted to another country. The rest of the stuff that I wrote about that was just my life that happened and that was inspired by…. Well, my life that just happened.

Do you have anybody read your books and give you reviews before you officially release them? ie. Your partner, children, friends, reviewers you know?
When finishing my first book I wasn’t sure how objective or otherwise friends would be and I didn’t know anyone to review. Because there are elements of a very personal nature in the book I didn’t want a complete stranger to break me in two with a bad review first up. Miraculously I reconnected with an old girlfriend that I had not heard from in 26 years and she was an avid reader. The perfect combination of someone who knew me but then didn’t know me. She was the first brave soul to read it. She laughed like mad and loved it. She gave me the encouragement to keep going. I now have connected with several people who are reviewers and who have read it that I will connect with once the second book is done to review it. This is a learning process and happy to learn as I go along. I am just a normal bloke doing something he really knows nothing about, but he doesn’t care because the reason behind why he is doing it is the most honorable reason there is.

Do you gift books to readers to do reviews?

Do you read all the reviews of your book/books?

What was the toughest/best review you have ever had?
Toughest review doesn’t exist. It is someone’s opinion and they have the right to say what they want in my opinion. I will not be hurt by someone saying that they didn’t enjoy my humor or understand my book, it is not like they have done anything physically horrible to me… like abduct my son to Brazil. In some ways a really tough review would be a sign that someone either didn’t read the first chapter well enough to understand why I wrote the book, because of the pain I was in, or is completely non-empathetic for a loving father who has lost his son. So why then would I be concerned?

The best review was the one written by my Dad. After the struggles I had dealing with losing his grandson to know that he could still laugh with me as a way to support me meant more than anything.

Would you ever ask a reviewer to change their review if it was not all positive about your book/books?
Hell no. Does a test cricketer ask a bowler to slow down his delivery? Does an Olympic high jumper ask the officials to lower the bar? Did the Duke of Wellington ask Napoleon to point his cannons in the wrong direction? I don’t know about anyone else’s life but the moment I start thinking that I want my life to be stress-free and ask people to go easy on me is the moment I will give up my fight to be with my son as I will think it is too hard. And I don’t want that to happen.

This just in, the Australian Cricket team is asking the English bowlers to slow down for the fifth test.

Do you basic plot/plan for your book, before you actually begin writing it out? Or do you let the writing flow and see where it takes the story?
I am entirely a stream of consciousness writer. If that is not obvious. I sit down, check that the clock is on the hour, have a thought, write the first word and then just keep going.

How do you market/promote your books?
I strip naked and run down the street, wait till I get arrested, appear on the evening news and then I plug my book. When I am sober I ask for help from book bloggers.

Are there any hidden messages or morals contained in your books? (Morals as in like Aesops Fables type of "The moral of this story is..")
Absolutely. The moral is that a child needs his father. I needed my Dad to teach me how to get through the crap in life I put myself into. Every child needs the lessons his father will give them so they will know how to dig themselves out of a hole that their father probably taught them to dig in the first place.

Is there a certain Author that influenced you in writing?
Bill Bryson.

Which format of book do you prefer, ebook, hardback, or paperback?

Do you have a treasured book from your childhood? If yes, what is it?
The Plum Rain Scroll. Read it in Grade 5 I think it was. This is when I knew I wanted to be a Dad because after reading parts of it with my Dad on my bed one night all I could think of was sharing the same experience with my son one day. Moments like that you can never forget.

Is there a book you know you will never read? Or one you tried to read but just couldn't finish?
Ulysses by James Joyce. I have tried six times to read it and I have never gotten past page three before my brain starts to throb with agonizing pain and I wonder how could anyone claim to have actually read this.

If you could invite three favourite writers to dinner, who would you invite and enjoy chatting with?
One who would pick up the tab, one who would drink with me and one that wouldn’t mind driving me home after I get drunk.

Where can readers follow you?
Facebook page:
Goodreads author page:
Twitter:  @noansdad

(The Author kindly sent me a paperback of this book to read, unfortunately the print is a little small for me and ended up triggering my menieres disease, so I have now purchased an ecopy to read when I can. I'm not wholly sure where I would place this book within a genre, or if it is something I will eventually enjoy reading. I have had one attempt at reading the book, but just wasn't drawn into it in anyway, and couldn't even after reading a segment of it say what genre I would place it into, or say what the actual subject matter of the book is! Sadly I'm not sure if this one will remain a DNF (Did Not Finish) or whether another attempt at reading the book will result in a review ~ Jeanz)

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